


Plagg and the Wine-Soaked Cheese Curds

by quicksilversquared



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Gen, Plagg is a menace, cheese cheese more cheese, cheese curds, exasperated Marinette, yes I am from Wisconsin how could you tell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 21:43:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8684362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilversquared/pseuds/quicksilversquared
Summary: When Plagg tags along on a field trip to a cheese factory, things start out fine. There's an abundance of cheese to taste, after all, and he has all day to do it. However, things start going a bit wonky as soon as Plagg finds buckets filled with cheese curds and an unknown purplish liquid...





	

When Miss Bustier announced the class would be going on a field trip, Adrien was excited. He loved going out and exploring things that he didn't get to see while he was homeschooled. It was almost always a promise of a low-stress day with his friends.

And then he found out where they were going. _A cheese factory._ And not just any cheese factory, but one of the bigger ones in the Paris area.

Needless to say, Plagg was a whole lot more excited than Adrien.

"You have to promise to _behave_ ," Adrien told his kwami the morning before the field trip. "Stay in my bag, and I promise I'll buy you cheese if we get to stop in their shop. If not, I'll buy the cheese online."

Plagg's nose twitched irritably as he floated in front of Adrien's face. "You expect me to stay in your bag all day while the lovely smell of cheese floats all around me? Your bag smells like sweaty teenage boy and I get bored hanging around there."

Adrien only just restrained a growl of annoyance. If it weren't for the fact that there could be an akuma attack during the field trip, he'd be tempted to abandon Plagg at home. His kwami could not be trusted around any type of cheese. Still, he didn't have the time to keep arguing. Adrien was all too aware of the fact that he was already running later than normal.

"I propose a new deal," Adrien said, sending a slightly panicked look at the clock. Clearly Plagg was not going to agree to his previous terms; they'd been arguing about them all week. He did not have another week to beg, beseech, bargain, and blackmail. Nathalie would be expecting him at breakfast in two minutes. "You can fly around the factory, but stay out of sight and _don't_ eat anything that people would notice missing. I'm talking entire rounds of cheese and random slices or bites out of wheels. If you can manage that, I'll buy you the cheese. Deal?"

Plagg considered it. "I can explore all day?"

"As long as you come back _before_ the bus leaves. I don't want to have to try to persuade the Gorilla to drive me back out just to get you." Adrien fixed his kwami with a stern look. "And if there's an akuma, you find me immediately. Clear?"

Plagg sniffed. "What am I, a slave?"

"Slaves would get threatened by a month of nothing but processed cheese slices if they didn't behave."

Plagg promptly shut up.

 

* * *

 

Plagg was salivating during the entire bus ride out to the cheese factory. All of that glorious cheese in one spot, flavors upon flavors upon flavors, all at different stages of maturing. He had spent more than a little time on Adrien's computer looking up the factory and learning as much as he could about it, mostly so he could make his way around on his own little cheese-filled tour. The campus was _huge_ compared to most other noncommercial factories, he soon learned; part of the place was built creamery-style, where cheese was made in enclosed machines without human help, while the other part was more aimed towards tourists and tour groups. It let the cheese factory make a relatively large amount of cheese- and a really wide variety of cheeses- without having to have a enormous number of workers as well. From what Plagg could tell, the factory finished off all of their cheeses farmhouse-style- pressed into rounds and allowed to make a rind, which made the cheese even _better_ \- which did up the labor costs, but it was so _worth it._

(He was _very excited._ )

Plagg knew already that a lot of the cheeses would be off-limits. He wasn't allowed to eat whole rounds (though really, the idea of a god having to ask _permission_ for anything was ridiculous), which was of course the form that most of the cheese would be in. He could snitch individual slices as long as no one would notice them missing, and of course the cheese curds would be snatchable, if he could get his paws on them. While most cheese curds were no Camembert, he had gained a taste for the squeaky-fresh cheese after he had a Chat Noir in Wisconsin and it had been _so_ long since he had sunk his fangs into their delicious cheesiness. If he was really lucky, maybe he could even find some good cheese rinds to chew on.

Once the bus pulled to a stop, Plagg waited (im)patiently as the kids got off and milled around outside the building. He would have taken off immediately, except he would risk being seen by one of the zillion teens clumped around. And if he got seen, Adrien wouldn't buy him special cheeses.

Plagg briefly wondered if the processed cheese slices threat was still in effect before he decided not to risk it. He could wait five more minutes before going to join his one and only love.

The minutes passed by as Plagg waited in Adrien's bag, waiting for some sign that he could zip out and go his on his merry way. He heard kids laughing and shouting, the teachers yelling for order, the drone of Madam Mendeleiev's voice as she gave an introductory speech. She was probably sharing some interesting and maybe even valuable information, but Plagg wasn't listening. He wasn't going to set up his own mini-cheese factory in Adrien's room (too much work, and he ate more cheese than a mini-factory could keep up with anyway), so the information wasn't useful.

At long last, Plagg could feel the class moving forward. They went up a short set of steps before entering the cool building. Immediately Plagg was surrounded by the smell of heaven.

_Cheese_. Lot of it.

Plagg didn't waste any time before (somewhat) cautiously sticking his head out of Adrien's bag. His boy had (very smartly) had positioned himself towards the back of the group, which made it easier for Plagg to sneak off unnoticed. The kwami didn't waste any time in shooting off down the hall to Adrien's right. With his fantastic nose, it wouldn't take long for him to find where the cheese-making was in process. The coast was mercifully clear, so Plagg could dive straight in and explore.

And explore he did.

Plagg made a beeline to the creamery-style part of the factory first, knowing full well that it would be the safest for him there with the lack of people there and that the volume of cheese would be simply spectacular. It wasn't hard to find, since it was the biggest, most extensive part of the factory...

...but it left Plagg distinctly disappointed.

"But where's the _cheese?_ " Plagg whined as he looked around the giant room. The room was big enough to fit the entirety of the Agreste mansion plus the grounds in comfortably (it was _big_ ), but there wasn't even the tiniest bit of cheese to be seen. Instead there were a whole lot of big, stainless steel machines whirring, enough to fill up the entire giant space. There was no way to tell what cheeses might be in progress there, or at what stage they might be. Even if Plagg just phased through the side of the machine, there was no guarantee that there wouldn't be blades whirring around on the other side, ready to chop up curds or the random stray kwami. They wouldn't _actually_ hurt him, of course, but he knew from experience that the feeling of blades passing through his body was unpleasant and something he was in no hurry to feel again.

Surely the whole factory wasn't like this. Plagg had not gotten his taste buds all ready for cheese just to be completely let down so horribly.

Completely desolate, Plagg floated through the room, trying to peer into the tanks wherever there were small glass windows. He still couldn't make anything out- _what was the point of the windows then, honestly-_ and so he continued on, trying to remember the factory map that he had seen online. There were aging rooms nearby, he knew that, but he wouldn't be able to eat anything there. He might have more luck in the packing rooms, where there would be cheese scraps and maybe even discarded rinds, or maybe he should go to the farmhouse-style part of the factory and do his snatching there. He might be more likely to be spotted since there were actually workers there who would probably object to the god of destruction snatching samples if they happened to spot him, but on the other hand, there was cheese.

No contest there, obviously.

It didn't take long for Plagg to find the large room in the main building where the farmhouse-style cheesemaking process was going on. There were multiple large tubs in the room, which was nearly as big as the first one. There was a whole less machinery in the room, but then again the room was, as far as Plagg could tell, mostly for show. Large windows ran along one of the wall at two levels, at ground level and the first level up, and Plagg could make out the faces of the students at the upper windows as they watched milk being turned into curds and curds turned into- well, okay, perhaps not into proper _cheese,_ perhaps; the pressing and aging wasn't happening in the big room, after all- but they watched as the curds were salted and taken away to be pressed.

Of course, that part of the process wasn't what was he was interested in.

Plagg carefully worked his way across the room, keeping an eye on the factory workers working in the front. He zig-zagged between containers and equipment as he skirted the wall, carefully staying out of sight as he headed for the back of the room. There, some finished soft cheeses sat waiting in large buckets, ready to be put into smaller containers and sold to the eager, cheese-adoring public. Plagg let out a quiet squeal of glee at the choices in front of him before phasing through the first container and starting his sampling spree.

He sampled some cottage cheese (too bland), ricotta (better than the cottage cheese), some small Mozzarella balls (tasty; he was _definitely_ asking Adrien to add them to his grocery-shopping list), and a spoonful-worth of cream cheese (blah). He snagged a couple more Mozzarella balls for the road before heading off again in search of some of his favorite cheeses. He could tell with a sniff that there wasn't any cheese being stored in the display room (the humidity was all wrong, anyway), but from what Plagg could remember from the map, there should be some aging cheeses in a series of storage areas right behind the main room.

Naturally, Plagg headed over. What he found was glorious.

A _whole room_ filled to the brim with cheeses of all sorts. They seemed to be arranged by hardness on the shelves, and then by type. Plagg zipped around in a daze, sniffing the air as he did. There were some lovely pungent cheeses in the back, but they were covered by a rind.

Plagg knew from experience that rinds like that often had an _awful_ aftertaste and they could be unpleasantly chewy. Besides, he had promised Adrien that he wouldn't eat whole rounds, since they could be missed. Considering the huge number of rounds and blocks of cheeses, Plagg seriously doubted that, but he wasn't going to risk it. He still had _some_ morals when it came to cheese.

(Actually, if he was being honest, he _didn't_ have any cheese-related morals. He had sensed Tikki nearby that morning and he wouldn't be surprised if she was following him around, not trusting Plagg in a cheese factory without supervision. She could be watching him even now, as he basked in cheesy bliss. The thought was incredibly sobering.)

When ten minutes of searching didn't turn up any cheese he could sample, Plagg pressed on. If all else failed, he could go back to the cheeses he had found earlier. No one would notice if the cheese level in those barrels decreased a little more, he was sure of it. He was careful.

Well, sort of.

Two rooms later, Plagg found a room where cheeses got cut and packaged. He squealed in glee (quietly, so that the workers on break in the next room wouldn't come running back before he could enjoy his spoils) before zipping forward to inspect the workspace and see what was being processed.

At one station, whole rounds of cheese were being cut out of their rinds. Plagg knew simply by sniffing the air that those particular rinds would be no good- they were hard and gritty, edible but hardly tasty. One of the cheeses being prepared, a _Tomme Crayuese_ , had a rind that smelled strongly of ammonia. Plagg would (almost) rather eat cheese from a can.

So he continued on his circle around the room, looking at the cheese around him and looking for something he could eat.

Whole rounds of cheese. _Nope_. Small slices of cheese, not grouped into rounds at all- maybe. Plagg restrained himself for a whole five and three-quarters of a second before he pounced on the Gouda closest to him. Adrien might have said not to eat slices of cheese, but he was pretty certain that Adrien had meant slices that were arranged into rounds. No one would notice a random slice missing from the mess on the table, of that Plagg was certain. Humans weren't _that_ perceptive.

The Gouda was tasty, but it hadn't been aged for as long as Plagg would have liked. He guessed that it was probably on the way to storage for more aging, or maybe there were people out there with weaker pallets who couldn't taste the difference. Most people didn't have the pallet of a god, after all.

A bell rang overhead, making Plagg jump. There were murmurs from the break room nearby as people got to their feet, heading back into the prep room. Plagg headed for the next room, sending a longing look back at some of cheeses near the back of the room. He had spotted both Brie and Camembert on the shelves, both with gorgeous-looking rinds. There had been Taleggio as well, which made his mouth water. But sadly, they were still in whole rounds and the rinds wouldn't be removed at all. Most French people quite enjoyed the delicious rinds, or so Plagg had heard. Adrien seemed to avoid them like the plague.

Sighing, Plagg phased through the wall. Maybe he could come back later and try to snitch a bit of a taste, or maybe he would make Adrien buy a sampler pack or ten.

The next room smelled almost cloyingly sweet. It wasn't a smell that Plagg had ever encountered before in cheese factories (and he had been in quite a few; he quite often found himself imploring his Chosens to visit nearby cheese factories when they were on vacation. And then, when he had a Chosen in Wisconsin...ahh, those were good times. His Chosen had worked in a cheese factory part-time and gotten Plagg hooked on cheese curds. Plagg had investigated that factory quite thoroughly, but none of the rooms there had smelled like _this.)._

So naturally, Plagg had to investigate.

The small room was devoid of people, which led Plagg to guess that it was probably a cheese aging room, until he noticed the distinct lack of shelves full of aging cheese. Instead, there were small cheese presses oozing an odd purple-red liquid.

_Huh._

In Plagg's experience, the liquid coming from cheese presses was usually milky in color, so this was a little odd. He sniffed at the liquid (more of that strange sweet smell!) before zooming down to the floor level to investigate the buckets sitting there.

What Plagg saw horrified him.

"Oh, you poor cheese!" Plagg exclaimed, swooping down on the first bucket. The smell was even stronger here, almost overpowering and yet distinctly familiar, though Plagg couldn't quite place it through his distress. "They're drowning you!"

Indeed, a small mountain of fresh cheese curds was visible under a layer of the rich red liquid. Plagg quivered over the bucket for a moment before plunging in, ignoring the red liquid as he endeavored to save his precious cheese. He brought up an entire armload of the red-stained curds and dumped them on the clean table before snitching one to eat.

(Heroes had to be _rewarded_ for their efforts after all, even if they were just saving delicious cheese curds from a watery fate.)

Plagg chewed on the curd, letting out a purr as his teeth squeaked against the fresh cheese. The reddish coloring only permeated a little bit of the curd, which was good. They hadn't completely killed the cheese after all. Plagg swallowed the cheese and smacked his lips.

...actually, the curds weren't bad at all. They had an interesting sweetness to them, even if they _were_ a little on the damp side for Plagg's taste. The curds must have been put in the liquid on _purpose_ in order to soak some of it up. That was an interesting idea.

Plagg approved. Without pausing, he downed the rest of his cheese curd in one gulp and reached for the next curd that he had pulled out, and then the next. They were good too, but really, quality control couldn't be based on such a small sample size as _three_ , after all; according to what he could remember from a previous Chosen's math studies, a sample size of fifty was usually the minimum for a _quality_ test.

Plagg dove back in and retrieved another armful of cheese curds. Shaking the saccharine-sweet smelling liquid off of himself, Plagg plopped down on the counter to sample his prize. He nibbled on the end of one, trying to place the smell and taste of both cheese and the bath that they were soaking in. It was goat cheese, he could tell that easily enough, and the liquid... _hmm..._

Suddenly it hit him. Wine-soaked cheese! He had heard of it before, of course- what self-respecting cheese lover _hadn't_ \- but he had never had it before. He couldn't remember why for the life of him- well, okay, it probably had a lot to do with his Chosens being underage for the first part of their time with him, but there was something else, something that might have been a bit important that was flitting around the edges of his mind...

_Eh._ It couldn't have possibly been _that_ important. Besides, the wine-soaked cheese curds were tasty and made his mind feel pleasantly hazy. He would have remembered it if it were important, right?

Probably. Maybe.

Plagg shrugged and tossed the last of his stash of cheese curds into his mouth before eyeing the other buckets in the room. Now that he knew that the smell in the room was coming from the wine, he could pick out the different varieties. Some were sharper-smelling than others, with different fragrant notes hanging in the air. They were probably paired with different cheeses, too. It would be a shame if he didn't sample those as well.

Giggling a little, Plagg floated off to the next bucket. He had a _lot_ of taste-testing to do.

 

* * *

 

As their tour group moved on to the next viewing window, Marinette let her gaze drift to Adrien again. He had seemed really distracted earlier in the morning, clearly not listening to the tour guide and glancing around like he had expected something to jump out at him, but he had gotten a whole lot more relaxed since. Marinette could only guess at what might have been going on- another argument with his father, perhaps, or maybe his bodyguard had wanted to tag along as extra protection. Either way, Adrien seemed to have forgotten about it.

"We'll be heading past some of the cheese aging rooms now," the tour guide called. "There's nothing really exciting going on there; cheeses sit for a designated number of weeks or months before they're ready to sell. The rooms have to be kept at a certain temperature and humidity, which can vary from variety to variety. Because of this, we have a number of individual rooms. They're not small, really, considering the volume of cheese that we produce here at the factory, but they can't be too big either, or else the humidity gets too hard to control."

Their group clattered down the stairs and into a hallway filled with doors. It smelled odd, to say the least, and Marinette wrinkled her nose. She loved the smell of cheese normally, but so many different varieties, all in different stages of production? No thanks. It was a bit overwhelming.

"We'll move quickly through this hallway, since it does have a bit of a smell- that's aging cheeses, and yes, this many together is a bit fragrant." The tour guide laughed at the wrinkled noses she saw in the group before continuing. "Most of what you smell is the washed rind and bloomy rind cheeses. Does anyone remember what distinguishes those types of cheese?"

As Rose answered the question, Marinette let herself drift to the back of the group. While the cheese tour was interesting enough, she definitely preferred the part where they watched people actually working with the cheeses as they formed. It had been fun to watch, even if the details of how it worked went a little over her head. The explanation had seemed like something Adrien would have been interested in, but he had been distracted at the time.

"We'll be going past a room with a slightly different smell soon," the tour guide announced after Rose finished her very enthusiastic (and very extensive) explanation of different types of cheese rinds. "Have any of you ever heard of wine-soaked cheeses? Good," she said when half of the class raised their hands. "Some of the cheeses we press into rounds and then soak in the wine. For others, we soak the cheese curds in wine for one to two hours and then press the cheese into rounds. The cheese then gets aged. During the aging process, most of the alcohol evaporates." There was a distinct _aww_ from Alix and Kim. The guide sent them a slightly unsure look before continuing. "We have a number of different red wines used for soaking. We tried beer-soaked cheese at one point after an American visitor suggested it, but it was discontinued after a short period due to a lack of demand."

As they drew closer to the wine room, a sickly sweet smell overtook the smell of dirty socks and ammonia from the aging cheese rooms. Marinette wrinkled her nose even more. She had never been a huge fan of the smell of alcohol of any sort, and the one time she had tried red wine with her parents it had taken everything in her not to spit it straight back out. More than a few of her classmates seemed to have the same reaction, though maybe it was more the strength of the smell rather than the smell itself that was dissuading them.

"I don't know how anyone could work in this area," Adrien murmured to Marinette as the group started past the door or the wine room. His nose was wrinkled as well. "My clothes are going to smell like cheese and alcohol after this, I bet, and we haven't even been in this area that long."

Marinette nodded in agreement as they stepped aside to let a worker past. The man was dressed in a white outfit like the workers they had seen earlier in the morning. The full-coverage suit protected whatever the worker was wearing underneath and, if Marinette was guessing correctly about the kind of fabric, it probably kept the smell of cheese off of their normal clothing. They opened the door to the wine room, letting out another wave of strongly-scented air. The class hurried past it, many people covering their noses as they did. Adrien and Marinette were the last past the room, rushing past as the door closed. Marinette heard a squeal as it did and turned on instinct, even though the door probably just needed to be oiled-

Just in time to see a small black blur shoot out of the door- no, out of the _wall_ \- and across the hallway, vanishing through another wall.

Marinette blinked.

"Marinette! Adrien! Keep up the the group, please!" Miss Bustier called. With a jolt, Marinette realized that she had drawn to a halt as she stared at the wall where the _thing_ had vanished. Adrien had stopped as well, staring at her in confusion. Marinette hid her wince (so much for trying to act _normal_ around Adrien) and forced a smile before catching Adrien's arm and hurrying them both down the hallway.

She had to be seeing things. What other explanation was there?

 

* * *

 

Lunch followed soon after the class exited the hallway of cheese-aging rooms. They would be staying at the factory for another two hours after lunch; their tour guide had already let them know which rooms would have cheese curds being made, and there would be several cheese-pressing demonstrations going on as well as the eagerly anticipated cheese sampling. Things had been going really smoothly, much to Marinette's relief. She had been looking forward to being able to relax and enjoy the field trip without an akuma interrupting it.

Unfortunately, that streak of luck seemed to be coming to an end. Tikki was trying to get Marinette's attention even as they sat down to eat.

"I need to go to the, uh, bathroom," Marinette said after practically inhaling her lunch. The tapping at her hip had grown more insistent as she ate, to the point that Marinette could practically _feel_ Tikki's impatience. Not even a cookie had been enough to discourage the tapping for long. "Be right back."

"You could meet up with us in the demonstrations rooms," Alya suggested as she pulled the second half of her sandwich out of its bag. Unlike Marinette, Alya had been taking her sweet time eating her lunch. "We'll be done here soon enough."

Marinette nodded a little over-enthusiastically. That was perfect; if there was something going on that Ladybug had to take care of, she could just claim she got lost on her way up. "Sounds good!" With another blinding grin, she took off across the grass towards the building, trying to hurry without looking _too_ desperate. As she entered the building, Marinette heard several workers talking in low voices down the hallway.

"-reports of a small black thing flying around-"

"-squealing coming from the west wing of the factory-"

"-we can't let them find out, the inspectors will shut us down if they find anything-"

So she _hadn't_ been seeing (or hearing) things that weren't there. That was _definitely_ odd- maybe there was a disgruntled former employee that had been akumatized and was sending flying rat illusions through the factory as revenge?

Marinette picked up her pace. If that was the case, she had to transform before the class got in the building and someone like Chloe spotted the "flying rats". She would call up her father in a heartbeat and get the factory shuttered, even if the "rats" weren't normal.

As soon as Marinette entered the empty bathroom, Tikki shot out of her purse, looking uncharacteristically concerned about something.

"Can you sense an akuma?" Marinette asked immediately, keeping her voice low in case anyone else came into the bathroom. "I can't believe _another_ field trip is getting interrupted by an akuma-"

"It's not an akuma," Tikki interrupted. "It's- well, I sense Plagg nearby- he's Chat Noir's kwami- and his energy has been getting super erratic. He was the thing that zipped by you and Adrien earlier. He's a bit lazy and really loves cheese, but normally he's really good about not getting spotted."

"And from the sound of things, he's been spotted by quite a few people," Marinette finished. "Do you think he's sick?"

Tikki shook her head. "Plagg is _lazy_ when he's sick. He refuses to do anything until he gets healed! Something else must have happened. We should transform and try to find him before he gets caught by someone."

Marinette frowned. "Are you sure we should? Wouldn't seeing Ladybug here just create unnecessary panic and excitement? Alya would probably try to follow me around, too, and if she accidentally caught Plagg on video..."

"But as Ladybug you'll be allowed access to places that Marinette can't go!" Tikki pointed out. "And you're faster as Ladybug, and less likely to faceplant into walls when Plagg phases through them, and you can use your yo-yo to catch Plagg! He can't phase through that."

"That makes sense," Marinette admitted. She straightened up and shot a smile at her kwami. "Tikki, transform me!"

 

* * *

 

Much to Marinette's surprise, tracking Plagg down and catching him really didn't take long at all. While Chat Noir's kwami was small and fast, she had her yo-yo and besides, a drunk kwami was a kwami that wasn't particularly good at staying out of sight and was therefore fairly easy pickings. Tikki had guided her footsteps as she ran, staying more alert than she usually did when Marinette transformed. It was an odd feeling and something Marinette was in no hurry to repeat.

Once Ladybug ended up in the same room as the kwami, it only took a few seconds for her to snatch Plagg up and get a tight hold on him. The most difficult part of the entire ordeal was shaking off excited factory workers so she could go detransform and shake some answers out of the word-slurring kwami. Thankfully, a sharp word from the cheesemaker's boss had the workers running back to their spots, allowing Ladybug to slip away and detransform so Tikki could talk to Plagg.

She had never seen Tikki so livid before. They were truly lucky that no one else had gone to the bathroom while Tikki was chewing the other kwami out, because Tikki's voice had gotten quite loud as she demanded answers from Plagg. The only thing they could get out of him was that he was maybe more than a little drunk and that wine-soaked cheese curds were tasty. In hindsight, it made sense. She had seen him for the first time rocketing out of the Wine Room. Plagg must have found the cheese curds soaking in there and decided to take a sample or five, and while the wine-soaked cheeses might not have any alcohol left in them by the time they hit the shelves, the same could not be said for cheese curds that had just come out of the wine. It was impossible to try to get Plagg to remember how much he had eaten when he was so out of it.

Marinette was willing to bet that he had eaten a _lot_ of the wine-soaked curds, because Plagg _reeked_ of alcohol. There was no way she would be able to keep him with her without somebody noticing the smell, and she did _not_ want to get in trouble just because Chat Noir's stupid kwami got drunk and made it smell like _she_ had been drinking. She had to get rid of the smell somehow.

So Marinette shoved the kwami in the sink and turned the water on full blast. Even if it didn't work, watching the cat kwami squirm and whine was _hugely_ satisfying.

"Lemme _go!_ I don't like water!" Plagg complained, trying to wriggle out of Marinette's hands as she lathered up some soap behind his ears. The whining got louder as Marinette continued to scrub. "You got soap in my eye! This is kwami abuse! You got soap in my _mouth!"_

"So shut it," Tikki suggested helpfully from where she sat on top of the paper towel dispenser. She was nibbling away at a cookie as she watched Plagg flail around in the sink. "You shouldn't have had alcohol anyway. You know perfectly well how even a small amount affects kwamis."

Plagg ignored Tikki, instead baring his fangs at Marinette. "I'll bite you if you keep washing me!"

In response, Marinette shoved Plagg's head under the water. She was Ladybug; she was _not_ going to be pushed around by a drunk kwami. She could feel Plagg squirming, trying to twist around to sink his fangs into her fingers, but he couldn't quite reach. His fangs grazed her fingers twice before Marinette let him up.

Plagg's eyes narrowed dangerously at Marinette. "I don't like you."

"The feeling is mutual. You're a huge pain." Marinette rubbed more soap over Plagg's face, mostly to shut him up. "I hope this gets the alcohol smell off of you, because you reek."

Tikki giggled as she finished off her cookie and flew over to join Marinette. "You should give him a breath mint! That would make him smell better!"

Plagg growled.

"That's all of the washing I'm going to do for now," Marinette decided, glancing at her phone. "Alya will start to wonder where I am if I don't show up soon." She pulled the sopping kwami out of the sink and started to pat him dry with the wad of paper towels she got from the dispenser, dodging Plagg's flashing fangs as he tried to bite her. She gave him a swat. "I'll leave you wet if you don't cut that out, and then you'll get sick."

Miraculously, Plagg stopped.

As soon as Marinette was sure Plagg was dry, she shoved him in her bag. Thankfully he didn't smell now ("I don't think he's ever smelled so good before," Tikki had giggled before joining Plagg in the bag) and the alcohol had finally kicked in enough that, when Marinette checked her bag as she trotted up towards the demonstration room, Plagg was already sound asleep. That definitely made Marinette feel better, because even though Tikki had promised to keep an eye on Plagg, there was only so much one kwami could do.

Marinette was _not_ going to be happy if her secret identity got exposed thanks to Chat Noir's drunk kwami, but she couldn't just ditch Plagg somewhere and trust him to not cause trouble. She would just have to suck it up and hope for the best.

Tightening her grip on her bag, Marinette pushed open the door and entered the demonstration room. The second she stepped inside, she was almost bowled over by one very excited Alya.

"Ladybug was here, have you heard? Did you see her while you were near the bathroom? All we heard was that she was looking for something, but she was gone before I could find her for an interview-"

Marinette mentally thanked her Ladybug luck that she had found Plagg so quickly. Being interrogated by Alya about what she had been looking for and how she happened to be at the factory wasn't something she really wanted to deal with, especially if she wanted to be keeping the existence of kwamis a secret. Saying that Chat Noir had lost something would just raise questions about if she knew who Chat Noir was, if _he_ was at the factory in his civilian form, if _she_ had been at the factory in _her_ civilian form...

Yeah, it was better to just to avoid that altogether.

"I saw her zip past when I was leaving the bathroom," Marinette lied, clenching both of her hands around her bag. _Please let Plagg stay asleep._ "But I didn't talk to her at all. Sorry."

Alya looked disappointed for a moment before she rallied. "Maybe I can ask her next time there's an attack! The Ladyblog's followers would want to know why she would show up out of the blue like that when there's not an akuma attack."

Nino nodded in agreement, and soon the two of them were tossing back and forth theories about why Ladybug might have been at the cheese factory. They seemed thoroughly distracted, so Marinette let herself relax and slump into a seat in front of the main window overlooking the cheese production room. She was lucky that Alya had bought her excuse without further questions, and so far she was lucky that Plagg wasn't making a fuss. Of course, the drunk kwami could still wake up any time and ruin everything at any moment.

It was going to be a _long_ day.

 

* * *

 

The class had only just finished packing up their picnic when the first reports of a Ladybug sighting at the cheese factory filtered through.

"Has there been an akuma attack?" Adrien asked immediately as his stomach twisted into knots. He hadn't seen Plagg at all since that morning, so Adrien had no idea where his kwami might have ended up. If there was an akuma- and why else would Ladybug be transformed right here, right now?- then he would be in trouble. What had he been thinking, allowing Plagg to slip away? The kwami was probably lost in a cheese coma somewhere in the building, oblivious to any danger.

_Ugh._

Much to his surprise, Miss Bustier shook her head. "No attack. Ladybug didn't explain much. She's apparently looking for something, but that was all she said before she took off again."

Adrien blinked. _That_ was strange. Ladybug usually didn't mind hanging around to meet fans and answer questions unless she was running short on time.

By the time the class wandered up to the demonstration area, Ladybug had already found whatever it was she was looking for and had long since vanished. Alya was crushed, since she had been hoping to maybe get an interview or at the very least get more details on why Ladybug had shown up when there wasn't an akuma. She had pounced on Marinette as soon as she returned from the bathroom in hopes of learning anything more, but Marinette had reported that while she almost got plowed down by Ladybug as she was leaving the bathroom, she hadn't talked to the superhero at all. Adrien was a bit disappointed as well, partly because he always hated to miss a chance to see his Lady and partly because he was a curious kitten who wanted to know what his partner was up to.

Still, it wasn't like he would never find out. He'd just ask Ladybug himself the next time he saw her.

The afternoon continued smoothly, without any further Ladybug sightings. Adrien and his friends floated from station to station in the demonstration room, watching as a batch of cheddar cheese curds were finished and cut into huge blocks before moving to a sampling station. Adrien, wary of stinky cheeses ever since Plagg had joined him, only tasted the cheeses he knew he liked while Nino did much the same. Both Alya and Marinette were much more adventurous with their cheese tasting, though both of them steered clear of the moldy cheeses.

From there they moved on to the demonstration stations, which were set up much like the cooking shows Adrien had sometimes watched when he was homeschooled and bored. The factory employee would demonstrate a step, adding a few ingredients or cutting the curd, and instead of having to wait for an hour or more to do the next step they produced another pot that was already ready. Nearby, other videos were running showing the process for other cheeses being made. It was definitely interesting, but Adrien couldn't quite focus. He was curious about Ladybug, concerned that Plagg might not remember to show up before the buses left, and worried about what Plagg might be getting up to in the factory.

He wasn't the only one who couldn't focus. Marinette seemed a little on edge as well. She was keeping a tight hold on her bag like she was worried that someone was going to try to take it from her, and she kept glancing inside of it as well. Adrien hadn't noticed her doing that earlier and he had to wonder what had changed. If it had been Chloe he might have guessed shoplifting, but Marinette wouldn't do that. There had to be some other reason, but Adrien wasn't about to pry. He trusted his friend not to do anything wrong.

After two hours in the demonstrations room, the classes headed down to the cheese shop. It was bigger than Adrien had expected, and had _tons_ of different varieties. Adrien had never even heard of half of the cheeses that were being sold, and some came in a zillion different varieties with different spices (or other strange and almost random ingredients) added. Some things sounded (and looked) tasty.

Others did not.

" _Chocolate_ cheese?" Nino asked incredulously as he peered at the brown cheese Alya held up. "That sounds _gross_."

Adrien perked up. "Chocolate in cheese?"

" _Dude._ "

"What? Some cheeses can be sweet. And there's chocolate cheesecake, you know."

Nino shuddered. " _Dude._ That's different. This is chocolate in _cheddar_ cheese."

Adrien shrugged and picked up a chunk of the chocolate cheese. Nino was honestly right- chocolate in cheese _did_ sound a bit nasty- but he was thinking about buying it for Plagg. His kwami would probably call it an affront to the name of cheese, but it would be perfect for threatening the kwami into obedience when it really mattered. If he got a smaller piece, it would be _totally_ worth the price just to see the look on Plagg's face when he pulled it out.

Snickering to himself, Adrien tossed the chocolate cheese into his basket. Plagg was going to bite him in his sleep, but it would be _so_ worth it. Besides, he was also buying a variety platter. It wasn't like he was _only_ buying cheese in the form of gag gifts, no matter how tempted he was to do so.

"You are _weird,_ man," Nino proclaimed as they made their purchases and left the store. "Like, my mom says that I eat everything and even _I_ think chocolate cheese sounds gross."

"So judgy," Adrien shot right back. "Maybe I'm buying it as a gift."

"Whoever you're giving that to is going to hate your guts," Nino insisted.

Adrien grinned as they joined the rest of the students waiting for the bus in the parking lot next to the factory but otherwise didn't respond, instead choosing to survey the gathered class. A lot of people had already finished up in the cheese shop and were milling around, talking amongst themselves. Chloe and Sabrina were already gone; apparently Chloe had gotten tired of the factory's smell and the less than glamorous appearance of the factory and had called up her limo driver to take her home. Adrien thought that the mood was much more relaxed with her gone, but maybe the class was always rowdy at the end of a field trip. It wasn't like Adrien had any experience with field trips, so he couldn't tell for sure.

Alya and Marinette joined them out at the bus quickly. The bag of cheese from the shop that Alya was carrying was almost bursting, while Marinette had clearly not bought anywhere near as much. As they walked over, Alya was wrestling her bag of purchases into her backpack and clearly was having some trouble since there was too much already in her backpack and her bag was _far_ too big. Adrien couldn't help but grin as Alya let out a quiet string of curse words and finally gave up.

The group fell mostly silent as they watched the buses turn onto the long road leading up to the cheese factory. Adrien shifted nervously as the buses got closer, checking both his bag and his jacket. Plagg hadn't shown up yet, which _really_ worried him. Adrien would have to persuade the Gorilla to bring him to the factory unless Plagg somehow showed up in the next few minutes. Just as Adrien was trying to think up a good excuse to return to the factory right away (maybe he could drop his phone? No, Nathalie would _end_ him if he did that), Marinette's bag let out a long, suspiciously Plagg-like whine.

Adrien turned and stared.

Marinette turned bright red and whacked the side of her bag, which only increased the volume of the whine. Her blush deepened as Nino and Alya turned to stare at her as well.

"My phone has been acting up recently," Marinette blurted after a long, awkward pause. She stuck a hand in her bag, fiddling with something. The whine suddenly cut off with a slight choking noise. "It, uh, has been making that noise at weird times a lot recently. I'm bringing it in to a shop this weekend."

Alya raised an eyebrow at her best friend. "That's the first time I've ever heard of your phone doing that."

"Heh heh, yeah..." Marinette floundered for several seconds, making Adrien even more suspicious. "Uh, it's mostly been doing that at home, and it hasn't been that long or loud before, so it's definitely getting worse. And I've had to turn my phone off a lot so it doesn't go off in public or during class. I just forgot today."

Alya's expression smoothed out and she snorted. "So is _that_ your excuse for not texting me back on Tuesday when you vanished all afternoon? A malfunctioning phone?"

"Yep!"

The buses pulled up, cutting their conversation short. Students started clambering on, forming a somewhat orderly line as they headed for the bus. As their group headed forward, Adrien caught a glimpse of Marinette glancing in her bag again. He hung back, watching her out of the corner of his eye while trying not to be _too_ obvious about it.

"You need to _hush,_ " Marinette hissed at her bag. Adrien's ears perked up, intrigued. There was a quiet whine from the bag and Marinette sent it a positively poisonous look. "That's what you get for eating wine-soaked cheese! You are _not_ getting any sympathy from me."

_Aha_. Adrien definitely didn't have any doubts about the source of the whining now. Plagg had once mentioned that he was the only kwami that ate cheese (or, as Plagg had put it, the only kwami that "appreciates the finer aspects of the glorious invention that is cheese"). Marinette's phone would (obviously) not be eating cheese, so it was clear that she had been lying earlier. The only question now was how on earth Marinette had even gotten ahold of Plagg and why she was so _calm_ about it. From the sound of it, she had come across a wine-soaked Plagg, so on top of the normal Plagg behavior Marinette had had to deal with drunk Plagg behavior.

Adrien hadn't even known it was it even _possible_ for a kwami to get drunk.

With the new information, it wasn't hard for Adrien to piece together what must have happened as he followed Marinette up the stairs onto the bus. It was obvious now that Ladybug had made an appearance in the factory just to catch the rouge kwami (perhaps her own kwami could sense something wrong with Plagg?) and obviously she wouldn't have wanted to take Plagg with her and risk separating Plagg from his Miraculous. Ladybug, as smart as she was, must have decided to leave Plagg with someone who would be staying with the class. And of _course_ Marinette would be the obvious choice. Her involvement during the Evillustrator attack had suggested that she might _know_ Ladybug and even if she didn't, she had kept an astonishingly level head when things went south. During the Puppeteer attack, Marinette hadn't panicked at all; instead, she had managed to keep a clear enough head to have figured out who the latest akuma victim was within minutes and had given him (well, Chat Noir, really) a solid lead. She could deal with weird well, it seemed, and from the looks of it could even handle Plagg-level weirdness levels without too much trouble. It was actually impressive how well she had come up with an excuse for Plagg's whining.

...he still felt really bad for making her have to deal with Plagg, though. Chat Noir would have to deliver a gift basket to Marinette's balcony within the next couple of days.

 

* * *

 

By the time the buses got back to the school and the rest of the class had left the building, Plagg had made his way back to Adrien's bag, filched pair of sparkly pink sunglasses perched precariously on his head. He whined when Adrien snatched him up.

"Watch it!" Plagg protested, catching the sunglasses as they started to slide and flashing tiny white fangs at Adrien. "Light _hurts_. I have a _headache_. Kwami are not supposed to have headaches. Let me _sleep_."

Adrien sighed. "You're hungover, aren't you?"

Plagg ignored him. "Did you buy cheese for me? I never got to see what they had in the store. Can we go back soon?"

"No and _no._ " Adrien shoved the kwami back in his bag and finished fishing things out of his locker. "I did not and we are not. There is no _way_ that we're going back there anytime soon."

Plagg made the most offended noise Adrien had ever heard. "Why not?!"

"Because making Ladybug come and get you after you got _drunk_ is the _opposite_ of staying out of trouble," Adrien hissed, irritated that Plagg even had to ask. Immortal god or not, he couldn't just get _drunk_ at a cheese factory and not have _some_ consequences. "What were you _thinking?_ "

Plagg made a pathetic whimpering noise. If he was trying to sway Adrien into feeling sorry for him, he was barking up the wrong tree. Adrien wouldn't be letting this go for a _very_ long time. "I forgot that wine isn't good for kwami."

"You forgot." Incredulous, Adrien closed his locker and headed for the door. "How do you just _forget_ something like that? Has something like this happened before?"

"Not to _me,"_ Plagg whined. There was a rustling sound as he situated himself back in the bottom of Adrien's bag. "And anyway, last time, it was Tikki who got drunk off of alcohol-soaked desserts, so she has no business criticizing _me_ for accidentally ingesting a little alcohol." Plagg sniffed loudly, muttering something under his breath that sounded highly uncomplimentary towards what Adrien could only assume was another kwami, probably Ladybug's. Before Adrien could make a mental note to ask Ladybug about whatever incident Plagg was referencing (he just couldn't picture Ladybug giving her kwami anything alcoholic; she was _far_ more responsible than that), Plagg suddenly made a pleased noise.

"You _did_ buy cheese! I can see the bag!"

Adrien smirked as he headed down the school steps to where the Gorilla was waiting in the car. "I did. It's chocolate cheese. I thought it looked interesting, so I bought some for a treat."

The wailing that immediately started up in the depth of Adrien's bag brought a grin to Adrien's face. Plagg could throw as much of a fit as he wanted, but Adrien wasn't going to budge. Plagg had made a menace of himself and so he got to pay the price in the form of cheeses of questionable flavors. Adrien was suddenly sorely tempted to cancel him Camembert order for the next month and replace it with the chocolate cheese, just to spite Plagg.

As Adrien slid into the waiting car, he let a Chat-like smirk slide onto his face. Yes, he actually liked that idea quite a bit. He had been mostly joking earlier when he was threatening Plagg with processed cheese slices, but Plagg certainly deserved it now. As punishment, Plagg was going to have to face a month of the weirdest cheeses Adrien could find. There was the chocolate cheese for sure, and Adrien was positive that he had seen cheese with coffee beans in it in the cheese factory store as well, plus the white cheddar cheese with blueberries and cherries, and the caraway seed Monterey Jack, and the horseradish cheddar, and the ranch dressing cheese curds…..

It was definitely going to be an interesting month.

**Author's Note:**

> ...yeah, I don't know either.
> 
> Yes, those are all actual types of cheese. Yes, I know that's insane. And yes, before anyone asks, this IS a one-shot and therefore complete.
> 
> Side note: despite how much crap I gave chocolate cheese (aka dairy fudge), it is actually quite tasty.
> 
> Please review! Reviews make my day :)


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